I Hate

“I hate. That’s a sentence all by itself. It describes me perfectly. Now I know, you don’t care. My life has no significance, and the fact that I wasted my time telling you this shows a dripping amount of narcissism that I’ll never admit to. Because of all the things I hate in this world, of all the things I fear and despise for giving me that fear, I hate myself more than anything. I am morose, I’ll admit. My identity is focused around pessimism. That very fact guarantees that I will die alone.

“I am alone now, and I will always be alone. I have to live with that. Why? Because I can’t properly deal with happiness. And because of that, my happiness in this life is as illusory as dreaming. But don’t pity me. I don’t expect anyone to care about my life. I deserve every bad thing that happens to me. My pain is imagined, and that means that it will never go away. Imagined pain doesn’t leave. It gets hidden sometimes, but it never goes away.

“But the more I hate myself, the more I despise everything that I’ve become, the angrier I get at the world. This whole world, this entire planet is filled with people who can’t wait to tear you down. Filled with people who want to rip everything you’ve accomplished apart, and piss on the remains. There’s a whole fucking society that wants to tell you are a shit stain in the underwear of humanity, and that they intend to anally rape you just to jam that thought home.

“I don’t know about you, but this makes me angry. This makes me so fucking pissed off at the world. An entire civilization of people who assume that they’re better than you in every way. An entire civilization that demands conformity at every turn. It’s the way of the world. I say, ‘Fuck that.’ Fuck all those slaves, and all their conventions. Get angry at this whole world, and recognize that no one will ever know you as well as they think they do. Get angry. Get pissed. Do things your way, and don’t compromise it. If you want something out of life, you have to take it. Turn a deaf ear to those fuckers who keep bringing you down.

“I hate. I’m angry. I’m gonna do things exactly the way I want them to be done. And fuck anyone who says I went too far, or who tells me who I am, and slaps restrictions on me. I will do what I need to do, and what I want to do. And no matter how depressing this world gets, no matter how many times my face gets thrown in the shit, I will never die by my own hand. You hear that! I’m not done with this fucking world. If I die, when I die, it will be because I lived too hard. Not because I lived too softly.

“I hate. Shouldn’t we all?”

“Who love too much, hate in the like extreme.”

—Homer

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