Back When Britney Was Hot
by Daniel Beadle - Saturday, July 28, 2007
Four years prior, Dan, D-Man, and Jake are sitting in the main dining room of the Hampden Dining Common.Dan is slurping up his sugary cereal, as D-Man casually flips through the Daily Collegian. Jake looks like he's at death's door, looking around nervously and twitching every few seconds.
After a long silence, D-Man pipes up. "So, Britney Spears is having a birthday today. Looks like she's finally twenty-one."
Dan stops slurping and looks up. "So?"
"I don't know. I thought you liked this kind of stuff."
Dan shovels another spoonful into his mouth.
D-Man looks back at the paper. “It says here that her web site is giving free prizes away for the best on-line entries: ‘If you were Britney Spears for one day, what would you do?’” He looks up from the paper. “So what would you do, Dan, if you were Britney Spears for one day?”
Dan stops chewing. He looks up coldly. “Don’t ask me those kinds of things. I swear to god."
Jake joins the conversation. “I know what I’d do: Masturbate uncontrollably.”
“Shut up, you fiend. That’s your answer to every question relating to swapping bodies with a female.”
Dan stares into space. “Yeah… It’s amazing how often that comes up.”
